i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
