Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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