dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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