You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
