Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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