i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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