Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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