All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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