he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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