oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
