The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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