Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
