thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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