Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
