ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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