I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you have feelings for this penis?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
