im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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