So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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