I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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