my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
