my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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