im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
