so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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