I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
