What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
