i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
