I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
