there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
