I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
