You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
