Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize