I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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