everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
