at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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