Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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