drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
