A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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