we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
