If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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