He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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