He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
