FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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