I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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