how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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