Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
