I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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