so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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