I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That accounts for only three of the penises
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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