the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
