So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Randomize
