I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
