tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
