I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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