My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
