His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
