maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
