okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
