Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize