Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
