So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
