I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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