drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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